Writing

For The New Yorker (with Nehemiah Markos)

• "Our Mom-and-Pop Data Center"
• "It's Time to Check In for Your D.E. Eye Exam"
• "Roles That You, a Digitally Scanned Background Actor, Will Soon Be Performing"
• "You're Subpoenaed to the January 6th Committee Holiday Party"
• "Update: Your Flight Has Been Cancelled"
• "COVID Safety Protocols for Our Apartment Rager This Weekend"
• "New Postal Service Procedures Completely Unrelated to the Election"
• "Other Ways to Spend the N.Y.P.D.'s $5.6 Billion Annual Budget"
• "More Senate Rules Regarding Milk"
• "My Hudson Yards Shopping List"
• "Daily Affirmations for Anthony Kennedy"
• "New Features Coming to MoviePass Because We're Screwed"
• "Please Don't Answer This 2020 Census Survey"
• "Jobs for Black Americans Created by President Trump"
• "Announcing: Your Current Phone Is Garbage!"
• "Antifa-shion Week 2017"
• "The M.T.A. Workout"
• "Birthday Cards for Donald Trump"
• "Tax Help from H&R Block for Robots"
• "Coming This Spring to C.I.A. All-Access, Sponsored by Samsung"
• "The Lowest-Paid Comedians, 2016"
• "Would You Like to Take My Nonpartisan 2016 Exit Poll?"
• "From: Wells Fargo, Re: Closing the Accounts We Secretly Opened for You"
• "Please Use All of My Promo Codes"
• "A Super-Easy Guide to Voting in a Red State"